Equipping Series: Overcoming the Obstacle of the Pressuring Parent

As a continuation of our Equipping Series: Overcoming Obstacles that we began in the fall, we want to take this month to share about the reality of The Pressuring Parent as an obstacle our client’s sometimes face when making a decision to keep or abort their baby.  Often parents of a pregnant child find themselves in a place of shock and panic when they learn of the pregnancy and they believe the only option for their child to have a normal life is an abortion. 

Read the article below to learn how you can help walk a friend, church member, co-worker or neighbor through this tough situation.

Overcoming the Obstacle of the Pressuring Parent

By Amber Lehman

She has dreamt of the life her daughter would have since she found out she was pregnant with her 19 years ago...and her daughter being pregnant as a student was NOT part of the plan! Overwhelming panic sets in as she thinks, "this WILL ruin my daughter’s life”...and I must intervene!  

She believes abortion is the only option that will "help" her daughter get through this situation and get her life "back on track".  Her only answer is abortion. Period. She thinks to herself that “we did not raise her, sacrifice for her, and invest in to her this long for her to just throw it all away with a baby!”

Often times, parents in this situation begin taking away resources and privileges to pressure their child to abort--college funds, car access, and cell phones are taken away until the child submits to aborting. These parents are your friends; they are in your church, workplace, and neighborhood.  

How can you help them?

1)  Listen, Listen, Listen!  A parent who just found out their child is pregnant is hurting, scared, and is also possibly angry.  As a friend, listen to her and be understanding towards her emotions.  Also let her hear how much you care and tell her you want to support her through this difficult situation.   Call every day to give her a sounding board and let her know you are there.

2) Gently Bring Her Facts About Her Grandchild's Development.  Ideally, you could bring her and her daughter in for a medical appointment at a pregnancy center where the ultrasound and nurse consultation would walk her through this information but they may not be able or willing to come in with you.

Find out how far along the daughter is in the pregnancy by asking and simply bring the parent fetal development facts http://www.babycenter.com/fetal-development-week-by-week through simple questions like "did you know your grandchild has a heartbeat, fingerprints are forming, and the central nervous system is functioning?"  "Did you know the baby has all its organs and is simply growing bigger at this point?" and then follow up with "how does that make you feel?"  Sit in the silence while she thinks and allow her to process and respond. 

The goal is to help the parent recognize the baby growing in her daughter is a little human being and is a family member, one that can bring great blessing even though he or she wasn't in the plan.  If she is a Christian then remind her of God's loving hand and sovereignty in their lives.

3) Talk About Abortion Risks and Procedures and Emotional Damage. Often post abortive women suffer from many after effects including depression, digestive and sleep disorders and relationship problems.  Tell her about abortion procedures and the risks involved http://www.carenetpregnancycenter.com/abortionproceduresandrisks.htm

Also share how her daughter may grow to resent the parent if she is forced to have an abortion.  

4) Share Information About Adoption As an Option.  Offer information about local adoption agencies as a viable choice and all the benefits it can bring.  Placing the baby for adoption will help her daughter feel like she has a choice, give life to the baby and give another family an amazing gift.  Adoption is a very hard road to take as a family but it can bring a positive outcome to a negative life circumstance.

5) Share How the Baby Can Be a Blessing To the Family.  If her daughter chooses to have the baby and raise the baby, often the life change will help the daughter grow up and be more responsible, etc. Most young moms start making great changes in their lives because they now see that life isn't just about them anymore.  Find stories of young, single moms who are successful and show her that her daughter can do this with the support of family and friends. 

Grandmothers are usually over the moon with excitement when the baby comes, it is just the initial shock and the process of accepting the new baby as family addition that is the hard part. 

Even though the grandma may have to help raise the baby there are many ways to help the family navigate this delicate situation.  First Choice is happy to help the new mom and the grandparents work out “contract like” agreements for what to expect in the family when it comes to providing her help and support.

6) Do not hesitate to CALL First Choice Pregnancy Solutions and tell us about the scenario and let us provide you with resources, talking points, and direction for positive conversations that bring hope and reduce crisis!  

If you need to reach us when our offices are closed send an appointment request through our website http://firstchoicepregnancy.org/ and we will respond as soon as possible!